I have been neglectful.
My last entry was a week in the making. I would write a paragraph here, a sentence there. Finally tonight I slapped a lame comment on the end and fired it out. And that’s been typical of my blog the last couple of months – fewer and fewer entries, a trickle where there was once a river. (We’ll leave aside questions as to whether that river was crystal clear and sweet or murky and full of tadpoles.)
The primary reason, besides just being my normal, scatterbrained self? I have not been writing as much as I was in the first months of the year. I had word counts to post, real progress or current joys. The last two months have seen that energy ebb, seen me flounder and flail. I’ve been more than happy to beat myself up and lets things like the current atmosphere at work and my inability to structure my time take control of my day-to-day living. But the Sawyer event was another re-orienting, splash of cold water.
There’s gotta be words. Lots of ‘em.
I’ve approached Todd about how serious I am about this, that this is, eventually, what I want to do full time and that I know that I’m not ready for it yet, and possibly not for a very long time. But to get there, I need to write and I need his emotional support.
One of the things holding me back, I just realized, is that for some of the things I do, like my time-keeping or note-taking, I am using multiple tools/strategies for the same tasks.
To illustrate: I have two GTD programs on my computer, The Hit List and Things (which is also on my iPhone), I have iCal, I have a paper day planner, I have a wall-calendar, where I try to keep track of everything from word counts to project stages to must-dos and events. I use MacJournal to hold all my notes (web clippings, writing ideas, and my blog entries) but I have to use Evernote to capture things on my iPhone when I’m out and about. And even then I still use a Moleskine for my brief ideas on the go and I have a larger sketchbook long ago repurposed for exactly the same thing. Scrivener, of course, for all the actual writing. And don’t forget my paper journal and my book journal, both written by hand, both equally important and useful and, like everything else, equally neglected.
(Did I mention my other Moleskines? I have a Moleskine dayplanner to replace the kooky school planner I picked up last summer. One for fragments of poetry, one intended to be a place to write down observations of people to turn into characters, and one, a lovely mid-sized journalist’s ruled book, pristine and creatively homeless for the moment. It’s an addiction! A sensually textural addiction.)
There are two things I need to do: write down my thoughts (fiction and non-creative alike) and manage my time. But look at how many simultaneous ways I’m trying to do that in! Madness! I have to figure a way to simplify my process, else I’ll waste at least half my time duplicating all my efforts.
It hasn’t been a total loss, writing-wise. I have had feedback from two Hypergraphic members on the short story, “All The Way”, which will figure in to my second draft revision. I have this other short story niggling at my brain, a fantasy this time, though I still need to edit the other zombie story I wrote around the same time as the first. I have spent some time building a set of cheat-sheets for Spirit Cat, and in doing so answered some questions I didn’t realize I needed to ask and, for the climax of an important scene I’ve yet to write, I need to drastically edit a previously written scene to change its locale. After the first draft, of course, of course.
So, some good in there. The Hypergraphics continue to buoy me. With work threatening to “volunteer” low seniority staff members into later shifts, I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t keep going to the bi-weekly meetings.
(Edited to save myself further embarrassment. Heh.)