I am very, very far behind.
I’m at around 17,000+ words of NaNo output. Combined with what I had brings me to 33,000+ words on Spirit Cat altogether.
The last three days I have come to the computer, I have stared at it, and done nothing.
Either I can pull this out on the 19th and 20th, or it’s not happening. I’ll still write, I’ll still post my word count, but if I can’t make 10,000 words on those two days combined (and be able to follow it up the following week), it’s just not going to happen.
And that’s okay.
I have never followed the rules with NaNoWriMo, not ever. My first year I was trying to write a “real” novel. My second year, the intent was to write a “real” novel, but the two weeks of unmoveable vacation time made that impossible. This year, again, it’s a “real” novel that I’m writing. And by “real” I mean no things added just to accumulate words. Am I giving myself permission to write crap? Absolutely. It’s a first draft and I fully expect that it will stink to high heaven of poopiness. But I am not going to add random non sequiturs just to inflate my word count. It’s counter-productive to what I want to accomplish.
The goal in all of this is to get into a routine – and that is where I am failing. That is what’s bothering me. I’m elated that I have successfully written 2,000 words at a sitting time and again, but it’s just that I’m not sitting down every day. (Is it doable? Is it desirable, with a full-time job, family and responsibilities?)
Perhaps I’m burning out a little bit on the binge writing. I don’t know. Since it’s felt like I’ve been trying to catch up from the get-go, I’ve felt pressured to perform. And the days at work where I get no pre-writing done? Death. I write nothing at night. Perhaps there was even more to my pre-writing longhand than I realized. I haven’t tried pre-writing in the house. I should.
I have been moody, full of funk. My patience is very tried, and I am tired. I get these attitude fogs, every so often. It will pass. I just have to work my way through it.