Well, I did another critique, this time of a very weird, very rough draft of a fantasy short story. It felt thin, under-described to the point that in many instances I got a little lost trying to figure out who everyone was, what they were doing, and why. It read like a stream-of-conscious glut onto the page, that the author didn’t really know where she was going but had to get the primary images out of her system. I think if she steps back and goes over it a few times, giving us concrete images, getting specific, she might have a little something there. She says she doesn’t do fantasy all that much, which might be hindering her. Hopefully she’ll post another draft soon. It will be interesting to see how she changes it.
I looked briefly at The Butcher, then freaked out and cleaned up a few spaces in my office. Ugh! I’m taking it downstairs with me tonight, pencil in hand, to make more line notes as well as larger plot questions. It’s kind of annoying – I have a variety of notes in Liquid Story Binder, some scrawled onto the back of the draft, and I recall making some notes in my little notebook while I was at the Lodge.
Specifcally, I need to see if I should move around a couple of scenes, detail some notes on classic vampire horror movies, and add some specific, vivid details of my own to the story. Lot of lame word choices. (Lame? How about poor, ordinary, boring, vanilla, bland, obvious, unrevealing, and unimaginative? Not that my story needs to be a thesaurus show-case, but it needs a bit of color, bit life, too.)
Oh, and I looked over Gentlewoman as well. As much as Lesley liked it, in reading parts of it over again today, I still see things I need to fix. Erk.