So …

I no longer run Nutkinland. It’s kinda sad, but thrilling at the same time. I don’t have to listen to any whining, or kvetching, listen to the heights of hypocricy, or be belittled, needled, or blamed for ruining something that was pretty fucked up in the first place.

I thought I had come to a place of, well, protection from the silliness. Not the fun silliness – that I’ll miss – but the stupid silliness. I don’t know how I was ever supposed to do things, and it seems I always did them wrong.

I never wanted to run a message board. I was flattered and honored when Nutkin asked, and I wanted to do my best. The first time I took it over, it was crippling. The second time … better … but how can you run a board when it’s someone else’s, no matter what you do, how hard you try, how many times you’re told “you’ll do fine” only to be told “you’re doing it wrong.” I’m too ‘nice’ for this job. Too liberal. Too soft. Too everything.

Well, now they can do it without me.

I thought I would feel a lot more guilty than I do. It’s not like I haven’t thought about doing this before. And it’s not like Nutkinland doesn’t have a precedent, I suppose.

I’m tired … of it. Big, exhausted sigh.

I read in one of the private forums … about how Nutkin had chosen mods that, in hindsight, didn’t mesh with the kind of place he wanted. And when he talked about what he wanted, I honest to god didn’t understand why he’d choose me in the first place. And it hurts to see him and Lynn turn their back on the Lodge, watch them posting in U-Boat, the new Lodge really. Have there been problems, yes, but do all the Lodgers left deserve that? I don’t think so.

I’m curious to see what will happen next, but I’ve removed my cookies, won’t be logging back in as Ashtal again. I want to use what time I have on productive things … not something where I got to briefly pop on and then be dragged into four hours of wasted time nashing teeth and cleaning up messes – mine and other peoples. Just don’t want to do it anymore. πŸ™‚

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5 thoughts on “So …

  1. For what it’s worth, I think you did a great job.

    I’m sure you had to deal with more shit than I could imagine (and mind you, I can imagine a lot of shit), so I can totally understand your ongoing frustration.

    I think you were asked because it is a tough job, and they thought you’d do it well. Both of which I think are true. But I certainly don’t think you being “too everything” was the problem. You were given the board, but asked to only work within limited parameters, and even then had your actions second-guessed. It’s a recipe for failure, and I certainly don’t fault you one iota for seeing it as such and choosing to walk away. I think it’s the right choice, and I’m even a little surprised it didn’t happen sooner.

    I’ve been moving away from NKL a lot lately… most of the stuff I’d post in the Lodge has been going on LJ instead. I hope you’ll find what you need too, in whatever form.

    *hugs*

  2. I can only imagine what being the big cheese is like at NKL. Nutkin offered me that same position way back when, and I’m really glad I turned him down…the place became too cutthroat, IMO. Ulcer city.

    Here’s to that old silliness.

  3. I love you, Stephanie.

    I think you did a great job. I suggested you as an EnBoards Mod, I wanted you in the Lodge and I was happy to see you chosen as admin. I know what it can be like, though so your decision to step down is fine by me.

    Best of luck to you and I’ll be seeing ya here and other places, I’m sure. Nutkinland is a great place, but in the end it will be the connections we made there that will matter more than the place as itself, no matter how much we love it.

    I love all you crazy kids!

    /weeps

    πŸ˜‰

  4. *hugs*

    I love you guys.

    I’ll probably pop in here and there as a guest, mostly cause some cool shit gets posted in the General Forum. And I’ll keep reading your LJs, of course.

    Sorry for the drama, but I had to at least say goodbye there, and why I was going.

    *hugs again*

    Thanks.

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